Some experiments started out more as accidents born of unfortunate circumstances. In many martial arts such as Aikido and Judo, a self-defense technique is employed in which one would use the power and momentum of the attacker against that person. In a very roundabout way, this could apply on a non-physical contact level.
When my parents were building their home, they had to move in with my dad’s parents for a short time. Of course, this wasn’t exactly an ideal situation. Both of my grandparents were quite bullheaded and opinionated. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love us, but they had a way of issuing back handed insults disguised as compliments that could often create a less than harmonious environment. If you’re familiar with the television show Everybody’s Loves Raymond, well, imagine Marie and Frank, only not quite as loveable, and definitely not Italian.
There were often little battles of bullheadedness that went on. Unspoken skirmishes played out in closet doors left open or DVR recordings mysteriously disappearing. Perhaps the most memorable and ironic of these clashes of will had to do with doing the dishes.
M.O.M. has a theory about doing the dishes. If you don’t need to use a pair of her Heavy Duty- Long-Cuff- PVC-Chemical gloves to protect your hands from the scalding hot water, then the water isn’t hot enough. By hot, I mean HOT. M.O.M.s dish water is hot enough to scald the feathers off of a chicken or the pattern right off of a plate.
Because the water is so ridiculously hot, M.O.M. got into the habit of filling the sink dropping in the dishes, then going off to do some other chore while the water cooled down enough to not melt the rubber gloves.
Here is where that Aikido move of using momentum against your opponent comes into play. Instead of using speed or power, M.O.M. used unfailing predictability and unbreakable habit. This scene was played out for my by dad.
12:52:05: After lunch M.O.M. fills the sink then walks away, leaving her Hazmat approved jewel blue gloves hanging on the edge of the counter.
12:54:32: Grandpa enters the room and plunges his hands directly into the blistering hot water.
12:54:33: The entire neighborhood hears a sound emanating from house on the corner and wonders if someone is slaughtering sheep in the city limits.
12:55:00: Grandpa stomps off grumbling.
18:55:02: After supper M.O.M. fills the sink then walks away, leaving her Hazmat approved jewel blue gloves hanging on the edge of the counter.
18:56:15: Grandpa enters the room and plunges his hands directly into the blistering hot water.
Repeat.
Side note #1: While M.O.M. is guilty of many Experiments in Devious Conducts of Humor; this was not an intentional act on her part. It was simply the result of two creatures of habit whose habits clashed.
Side note #2: It was probably about this time, that my little sister Kate began taking notes on Experiments in Devious Conducts of Humor.
Grandpa had a brusque manner that could be quite insulting. He ascribed to the “Children should be seen and not heard” generation, and often treated the kids like they were there to wait on him with little or no thanks.
One afternoon, he demanded Kate fetch him a beer from the basement fridge. Normally she may not have been very happy about running this particular errand, but she would have done so without much complaint. But with grandpa, it was a bit different. Kate's play area at their house was in the basement. Grandpa seemed to take a particular delight in calling her upstairs, not telling her want he wanted until she's come all the way up, and then sending her back down to the basement for a beer. That was the case this time as well.
After making the walk through the house, down the stairs to the basement, across the entire length of the basement, into the basement kitchen and to the fridge, she pulled out a beer, stood there a moment, and then began to shake it. She shook it across the entire length of the basement. She shook it all the way up the stairs. She shook it as she walked through the house until she was behind his chair.
Grandpa never asked her to fetch him a beer again.
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